Let’s get personal

THE ‘I DON’T KNOW WHAT NOW’ PHASE

There are days when I’m full of energy; full of life and my mind is on exciting adventures, laughter, and thrill! These are my high points. Unfortunately, the way life works is as if you were on an endless rollercoaster ride: infinite number of highs and lows throughout a lifetime.

So naturally, after a phenomenal week of traveling and exploring the happiest places of my mind, I often enter the next week hoping that this time, I will stay this way. I will continue this intensely happy lifestyle. But nothing ever stays. Everything in life is temporary. Change is the only constant. So high hopes and unrealistic wishes made, I wake up the next week and feel a heavy burden of life on my shoulders.

How did life become a burden all of a sudden? Wasn’t life the most precious gift a day ago? It was… but as soon as reality hits me and I realize that I have real stuff to think about, work to do, food to pay for, laundry to do, it dawns on me that life isn’t just fun and games all the time. Just one single thought with a hint of negativity – the recipe for a downward spiral.

I’m currently experiencing this. For the past week, I’ve been traveling to places with friends and I had no time to think of anything bad. My days were filled with moments of joy and appreciation. Now that I’ve gotten home and settled down a little, I’m getting anxious about getting back to work and creating content. The stress of getting back to the routine life prompts unwanted pressure, pressure to be successful at whatever I do.

With a single thought loaded with anxiety, I’ve brought myself into the pessimistic territory of life. I’ve entered the “I don’t know what now” phase. I’ve been having so much fun while traveling! But getting back down to earth can be tough. So, I’m a little lost, a little frustrated and sad.

I’m experiencing these unsatisfactory feelings and I’m sure that I’m not the only one. I’m pretty positive that everyone goes through days where they question everything and feel at unease. Life isn’t a piece of cake, so these feelings are very much valid. Everyone goes through tough times, but the world doesn’t give anyone a break. Time keeps on ticking, our planet keeps on spinning, and there is no time to sit around, feeling down about life. The world doesn’t stop for anyone. No peer, parent or teacher will look at you say, “it’s okay, take a day off, feel those feeling, don’t judge yourself or tell yourself that what you’re feeling isn’t valid.”

But damn right these feelings are valid. If everyone experiences this at one or more points of their lives, then why do we all pretend to each other that everything is okay and that we are fine, when we aren’t!

I understand that we can’t just drop everything because we are having a bad day. If we did, and if people were to stop going to school or work because they were having one of those days, then our economy would fail. Things need to keep on going, that is very clear. But we do have the time to teach others and ourselves that having a rough day, being confused about what we want to do in life and being a little lost, is totally fine! It’s human.

We need to stop judging others and ourselves for not having everything figured out 24/7. Because if we did have everything figured out from birth, if we all knew what our passions were and what internship or job fit us the best, then what would be the point of living? If everything came easy, if every job we applied to we got, and if every person we feel in love with fell for us too, then what would be our purpose? Where would the fun of trying and hustling be?

So it’s totally fine to be in an ‘I don’t know what now’ phase. As long as we focus on the solution and are figuring out of what’s next, then we are on the right track. We should be taught in schools that life will throw us on a tree, which we won’t be able to get down from, and then as soon as we get comfortable with being up there, life will throw rocks at us on the tree. And that it is human to feel uncomfortable with the rougher patches of life.

As soon as we accept these feelings as valid, and we allow ourselves to really feel what we feel, the sooner we can begin focusing on the solutions. Surely, being in a downward spiral is no fun. But if I accept it that I’m having a rough day and it is okay because I don’t need to have everything figured out at this very moment, then I can let myself smile and say “I love challenges like this. Now I can get creative and figure out the next step. Even if that step is tiny.”

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Photo credits to KrisztaGraf

Stay sassy ❤

Krisztina

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